25/10/2024

Don’t Change Who You Are – Embrace It: A Guide to Coaching for Senior Leaders

If we’re not looking at the right indicators, leadership can look great from the outside — all those high-profile decisions, visible achievements, and some external recognition for good measure. In today’s working landscape, where over 80% of leaders are described as ‘accidental leaders,’ this image often masks a different reality behind the scenes. The constant pressure to perform, the weight of others’ expectations, and the sense that despite outward success, something still feels off. Stress, burnout, and a disconnection from their true selves are common themes, yet they rarely find their way into conversations.

For many leaders, the external demands and relentless pace of, well – life – seem like the obvious source of their exhaustion. In so many cases though, the greatest of all the dark forces of expectation comes from within. [Cue spooky music and cut away to someone screaming—ed.] Leaders, driven by their own internal standards, beliefs, and narratives, often hold themselves to impossible ideals of what leadership should look like. When you consider that most new or internally promoted leaders have never received any formal leadership development, it’s no wonder the pressure from within is so powerful.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. The bad news?  Nobody has – at the time of writing – created a chip we can just insert to sort all of this out. The good news? We believe anybody, if they choose to, can lead confidently, courageously and be happy in their role as a leader.   It’s the fundamental reason that Lead Happy exists and why people like David Barber tell us that his Lead Happy experience “changed the trajectory of my whole career”.  

In this article, we’ll dive into the common struggles many leaders face, why some approaches often fall short, and how Lead Happy’s Coaching and Personal Exploration can help you rediscover the leader you already are—without trying to change anything about who you are.

Let’s take a closer look at what might be holding you back and how embracing your whole, wonderful self – ‘warts and all’, can transform the way you lead.

 

Common Leadership Struggles: What’s Really Holding You Back?

Leadership comes with an undeniable set of pressures—many of which are easy to see and understand. Deadlines, decisions, high-stakes meetings, and managing teams are all part of the package. But when we dig deeper, there are often more subtle, internal struggles that prevent leaders from showing up as their best selves. These struggles can be the root cause of the stress and disconnection many leaders feel but rarely talk about.

Let’s look at some of the most common ways in which pressure shows up

The Burden of Expectation

A lot of people who do this to themselves have a good idea why. If they were high achievers at school, that need to excel has likely shadowed them for life. When we’re young, the pressures are spaced out—manageable, even. But in leadership, that space closes in. Every leader feels the pressure to meet expectations—those from their team, their board, and their peers. But the expectations we place on ourselves are often heavier. Many leaders set impossibly high standards, pushing themselves to lead in ways they think are ‘right’ or ‘ideal’ rather than in ways that feel authentic. Spoiler alert, as Ruby Wax once said—‘you are not your fault!’ This constant internal pressure can lead to burnout and a feeling of never quite measuring up, even when everything looks successful from the outside.

I’m not good enough

Despite outward success, many leaders secretly grapple with Imposter Syndrome—the fear of being exposed as ‘not good enough’ or feeling like they don’t deserve the position they’ve earned. This mental trap often leads to overworking and overcompensating, draining energy and creating a growing disconnect between how they feel and how others see them. The result? Exhaustion. It’s exhausting to lead while feeling like you don’t truly belong.

Weakness isn’t a good look

Leaders often follow a set of inherited beliefs about what leadership should look like—drawn from dated cultural references, personal experience, and societal expectations. Confidence, strength, and the ability to capture a room are often seen as the non-negotiables. Vulnerability? Not even on the menu. But here’s the kicker: 38th U.S. Vice President Hubert Humphrey (bet you didn’t see that coming!) once said, ‘Compassion is not weakness, and concern for the unfortunate is not socialism.’ Indeed, Mr. Humphrey—we agree.  

One wrong answer….

As a leader, there’s often an unspoken expectation that you should have all the answers, all the time. It’s the kind of pressure that can make you feel like you’re playing Ernst Blofeld’s next victim in Thunderball —minus the eye-patch and the cat. Even if your CEO isn’t quite Blofeld, the pressure to know everything becomes ingrained, leading to decision fatigue. And when the constant need to stay on top of everything takes its toll, it’s utterly exhausting.

Real and professional? Help.

Many leaders find themselves trying to fit into a mold of what a ‘professional’ leader should be. But since we’re all so different, that mold always feels tight, requiring us to suppress parts of ourselves—whether that’s our personality, beliefs, or emotions. Over time, this forced suppression creates a disconnect between who you truly are and who you think you need to be at work. Now you’ve got two personalities to manage. One was hard enough—now you’re practically juggling.

The Look of a Leader – The Introversion Myth

For decades, a specific and one-dimensional image of what a “strong” leader should look like: outgoing, charismatic, extroverted—someone who can capture the room’s attention with their presence alone. Think Churchill, Jobs, or Branson. These larger-than-life personas have long been held up as the ultimate standard of leadership, leaving many introverted leaders feeling like they don’t belong or aren’t equipped to lead in the same way.

In today’s world, the qualities that make a great leader are vastly different from those outdated stereotypes. The ability to listen deeply, reflect thoughtfully, and create safe spaces for meaningful conversations are the very skills that make introverted leaders uniquely powerful. It’s no longer about who speaks the loudest, but about who understands their people the best.

In fact, some of the most effective leaders of our time are introverts. Bill Gates, for example, once said, “If you’re smart, you can learn to get the benefits of being an introvert.” And it’s true—introverted leaders are often great observers, problem solvers, and listeners, leading to easier, deeper connections with their teams. We always challenge the old leadership ideals and embrace the idea that introverted leaders don’t just belong—they thrive in today’s leadership landscape.

 

“Traditionally I feel we’re sold an idea of what a leader is – extraverted, gregarious and can hold the attention of a room and I didn’t see myself as that. Lead Happy really helped me, not by moulding me into something I wasn’t, but by helping me dial up what was already really positive about my personality.  It showed me how I could be a leader, but myself at the same time..  It changed the trajectory of my whole career.” – David Barber, CFO  & Lead Happy Alumni

 

A New Age of Leadership – How & Why Leadership Development is Changing

Once upon a time, traditional leadership development programmes seemed to do the job. They ticked a box, swallowed some funds, and everyone got to go on a canoe or cook a wild pig. Great fun, sure, but not exactly ideal for lasting learning about why you wind yourself up before a routine meeting. A leader’s success was often defined by their ability to maintain control, make decisions efficiently, and project confidence at all times. Those methods thrived in a world that was, quite frankly, a bit more predictable.

But things have changed.

In 2024, the  “one-size-fits-all” leadership training isn’t just old-fashioned—it simply doesn’t cut it anymore. Here’s why.

The Times They Are A-Changin’—The Generational Shift

Businesses today look nothing like they did 20 or even 10 years ago. Today’s leaders face a landscape shaped by societal changes that happen faster than at any point in history. The world can change overnight (think Uber, AirBnB, Zoom)—what worked yesterday might be gone by morning.

The rise of remote work, the gig economy, globalisation, AI, and bubble tea have all reshaped the traditional structures generations of workers became used to. As organisations have become more flexible and diverse, so too have their leadership needs—[understatement of the year—ed].

Leaders today need to juggle financial performance with the well-being/productivity conundrum of their teams. For Gen X or early millennials, this is often more difficult than it needs to be. If you’re a boomer still loving work, you must be doing something right…

For the average Gen Xer, despite having parents who went to the first Glasto, you’ve experienced the emotional intelligence game evolve at least four times during your life—and that’s before you even retire. No other generation has had to handle such regular and rapid societal changes.

If you’re a high achiever, you’re probably also dealing with the fact that you still have a weekly budget despite a six-figure salary (especially if you live near the capital), while your parents are enjoying four holidays a year on their final salary pension and a cheeky winter fuel allowance. [Not anymore!—ed]

The Good News?

Well, developing emotional intelligence can be a panacea for stress and, at the very least, an insight into the next generation. No one we’ve worked with has ever said, “That was great, but I’d like to go back to bottling everything up and pretending to be someone else.”

In fact, a recent study by Harvard Business Review found that leaders who focus on empathy and emotional intelligence are seeing greater success in today’s business environment than those sticking to old-school, top-down models. This shift reflects a broader cultural change, where leaders are no longer seen simply as managers of tasks, but as facilitators of people and purpose.

Don’t just show me the values.

One byproduct of increased emotional intelligence is that values are often brought to the fore. Companies proudly publish them on their websites, and thousands of person-hours go into unearthing and showcasing them. We’ve seen a significant shift in attitudes toward values, and workplaces are no longer just places of production—they are expected to reflect the values of their employees and customers.

Do they, though?

With movements like #MeToo and the growing focus on mental health in the workplace, the spotlight has turned (a bit late, but better late than never) toward the importance of psychological safety. We talk about this a lot—it’s one of the foundations of high-performing teams. And yet, so many organisations struggle to truly understand what it means. It’s often confused with box-ticking—accommodations, policies, and statements. Sure, those things matter, but psychological safety is about much more: it’s about creating a space where someone can say, “I’m not sure about this—I need help,” without fear.

Leaders are now expected to create environments where their teams feel safe to express themselves without fear of judgment or retaliation. Here’s the thing: if you’re a leader trying to foster this environment without being comfortable in your own skin—leading confidently and courageously—it’s all just lip service. 

A Tale of Two Approaches—The Old Guard vs. Emotional Intelligence

So, where did the traditional approaches go wrong, and why is emotional intelligence the new superpower? In the old days, leadership development was based on the idea that leaders should command respect through authority and decision-making. It wasn’t personal, it was business. The core of leadership was about steering the ship, not engaging with the crew’s emotional state.

But emotional intelligence flips that. We’ve learned that true leadership is about connecting with people, not just managing them. Leaders with emotional intelligence understand their own emotions and how to use that understanding to lead others effectively. They know when to be vulnerable, when to step back, and when to push forward—not based on strategy alone but based on the pulse of their team. In today’s fast-paced world, filled with unprecedented societal and cultural shifts, emotional intelligence is no longer a nice-to-have. It’s a must-have.

The Rise of Empathy—Not Just For Crystal Healers

Empathy has rarely been synonymous with the world of business, but today, mastering it will give insight into your people.  Your team, your orgnanisation, which ultimately filters down to the folk that pay you, your customers. If you want customers that come back rain or shine, they need to feel good about using you, and for them to feel that – and they will – your people need to feel that. Empathy allows leaders to understand the needs and motivations of their teams on a deeper level. It opens the door to authentic connection and engagement.

Research by Forbes shows that leaders who practice empathy and actively listen to their employees not only improve retention but also spark higher levels of innovation and productivity. In an age where team well-being is crucial to success, ignoring empathy is no longer an option. Empathy is the glue that holds modern, emotionally intelligent leadership together.

Emotional Intelligence: The Real Leadership Revolution

So, why is emotional intelligence (EI) the foundation for all of this? In the ever-evolving world of business, where complexity is the new norm, leaders need to be agile, intuitive, and emotionally aware. Leaders who cultivate emotional intelligence can create psychological safety, navigate cultural shifts, and inspire their teams—not through authority, but through genuine connection.

Studies published by the World Economic Forum list EI as one of the top skills for the future of work. Leaders who lead with EI are better prepared to navigate a world where diversity, flexibility, and human connection are critical to success. And that’s what we focus on at Lead Happy—helping you unlock your authentic leadership potential through Personal Exploration and coaching. 

Lead Happy is the future of Leadership Development

At Lead Happy, we understand that true leadership starts from within. We don’t try to change who you are; instead, we help you understand your own story, embrace your strengths, and lead with clarity and confidence. Here’s how we address the core challenges that hold many leaders back:

Understanding Your Narrative

As our beloved Maya Angelou once said, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” At Lead Happy, we believe that to lead authentically, you must first understand your own story—where it comes from and how it shapes your leadership style today. By exploring your personal narrative, you’ll discover why you approach situations the way you do and, more importantly, how to leverage your story to lead more effectively.

Understanding Your Personality—What You Can’t Control

Personality is not something you can mold or change—it’s part of who you are, influenced by both nature and nurture before you even hit double digits. At Lead Happy, we don’t ask you to change your personality. Instead, we help you understand it—why you react to certain situations the way you do and how the traits you’ve inherited can be harnessed to enhance your leadership. By gaining insight into the innate  aspects of yourself, you can lead more confidently, knowing you’re embracing who you truly are.

Exploring Emotional Intelligence—Your Most Powerful Tool

In today’s world—where neurodiversity and mental health are at the forefront—emotional intelligence (EI) has become a leader’s most valuable asset. To lead others effectively, you need to understand and manage your own emotions first. It’s the ‘oxygen mask’ principle—put yours on before helping others. Lead Happy’s coaching focuses on helping you develop the emotional intelligence needed to navigate both your personal leadership journey and the relationships with those around you.

Challenging Your Own Expectations

Many leaders come to us with a preconceived idea of what leadership should look like—an idealized version of what they think others expect from them. But here’s the thing: when you think about the best leader you’ve ever had, it’s never about their title or their decisions. It’s about how they made you feel. There’s often a gap between what leaders expect of themselves and the qualities that truly define brilliant leadership. At Lead Happy, we help you bridge that gap by embracing the parts of leadership that matter most—authenticity, empathy, and connection.

Got Questions? Ask Us Anything!

At Lead Happy, we believe in complete transparency and openness when it comes to what we do and how we work. We know that investing in leadership development, for yourself or your team, is a big step. That’s why we always welcome questions—whether they’re the typical ones we hear all the time, or the trickier ones that have been on your mind. There’s no such thing as a silly question here. In fact, the more curious you are, the better!

To help you get started, we’ve put together a comprehensive list of your Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) that cover everything from the types of experiences we offer to how we measure success. If you’re wondering about costs, remote team support, or where to start with leadership development, you’ll find answers there.  Head over to our FAQs page where you’ll find answers to the most common questions we get asked. If there’s something on your mind that isn’t covered, just hit the button and ask us directly. We’re here to make your journey as clear (and exciting) as possible. We’re always happy to have a conversation about how Lead Happy can support your journey, in leadership and in life.